


An Easy Enough Decision

by anorienparker



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-14
Updated: 2011-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-26 02:22:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/277581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anorienparker/pseuds/anorienparker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jayne reads Simon's journal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Easy Enough Decision

It was rare for Jayne to be on Serenity alone, but this time, he’d managed it. Everyone else was at the pub in town and he’d pretended to have forgotten something back on board. Of course, Mal looked at him suspiciously, but didn’t say anything and a quarter of an hour later, Jayne found himself rummaging through Simon’s things to find his journal.

Again.

He was fascinated by everything about Simon, but too proud to admit it, so reading his journal was pretty much the only way he could get his fix these days. He’d had a ‘thing’ for the doctor since the day Simon had told him that he’d never harm him, no matter what he did, that on his exam table, Jayne was safe.

Safe. It was a word that Jayne didn’t use often, but when Simon used it, Jayne believed him. And it made him feel about half an inch tall as he laid there, unable to move thanks to the drugs Simon had given him to keep him from hurting himself, thinking about how he’d just turned Simon and River in to the Alliance….how Simon knew about that, and still wanted to protect him.

Something inside Jayne changed that day, from the way he looked at Simon to the way he slowly but surely started to trust him.

And, of course, reading his diary helped a little too. Mostly it was notes about River and her progress – or lack thereof – which was kind of boring, but sometimes Simon would write things about the rest of the crew. Like about the way Mal obviously loved Inara but likely would never tell her. Or the way he wished he could have something even half as good as what Zoe and Wash shared every day. Sometimes he wrote about something funny Kaylee or Jayne had said, and despite himself, Jayne had to smile each time he saw his name. He wrote about River a lot, about the past and the present, and Jayne found himself more and more sympathetic to the girl as he was able to get a clear picture of how she used to be.

He turned to the last page he’d read only a few weeks before and picked up from there.

 _I’m going to have to tell him. He’ll probably hate me for it, but he needs to know, to put me out of my misery, and tell me to get off Serenity and out of his life forever or…well, in my dreams, he would just wrap his arms around me and kiss me until I couldn’t think straight. Then, all hands and mouths and wet, hot kisses, we’d undress each other and he’d start to open me up with those long, thick fingers of his, but I’d tell him to hurry, that I didn’t mind if it hurt, that I just wanted him inside me. I can almost hear him moan now, in my dreams anyway. Our mouths would meet again and I’d feel the head of his cock between my legs, nudging me open, then I’d moan and bury my face against his neck as he pushed forward, splitting me open and not stopping. It would hurt like hell, but then he’d kiss me and hold me tighter and I wouldn’t care; I’d be too lost in the moment to even think of asking him to stop or slow down or move away. Then he’d start moving and – Oh, God – I’d probably just come right then and there because it’s – him -- and I’ve wanted this for so long. But he wouldn’t laugh, at least not in my little fantasy. Instead, he’d reach between us, wrap those long fingers around my cock and tell me he was going to fuck me all the way into next month, so I might as well get hard again for him; that he was going to need everything I could give him to use as lube….because he planned on being there, in me, for a very long time._

 _And of course, I’d come again just thinking about that, and all my inner muscles would clamp down around that big beautiful cock of his and not give him any choice but to come as well._

Jayne’s mouth was suddenly dry and he was hard as a rock. He didn’t even realize he’d been squeezing his erection as he’d been reading, but his hand was down there all right and there was already a small wet stain on his tan pants just next to his zipper. Obviously Simon wanted Mal. How could he have missed that all this time? And why did it make his chest ache to think of them together? Of course, he knew Mal loved Inara, but he’d been known to swing the other way too now and then, so….

Damn.

Jayne pushed away those thoughts as quickly as he could. He unzipped his pants, shoved his hand down and tugged on his erection as he moved on to the next entry, trying not to think about Simon doing any of this with the captain.

 _Had another dream about him last night. Can’t get him out of my head. This time, he stormed into my room, rolled me over and pulled me up on all fours. I was surprised, but wasn’t about to protest, and in my dream, I was sleeping naked, which worked out well for the both of us. I spread my legs for him, and moments later, I was fucking myself on his fingers. He worked in one, two, then a third until I thought that was plenty and urged him to hurry and give me his cock. Then, there he was, pushing into me, the thick head of his cock spreading me even wider than the fingers and making me moan into my pillow. My hands grabbed at the sheets but then I felt him stop and his hands moved over my back and down, wrapped around my chest and very carefully toyed with my nipples until my body relaxed around him. He started off slowly, but we were both too wound up and before long, he was thrusting in hard and deep. I was jerking myself off one minute, then felt his hand taking over and jerking me off the next. I spilled onto the sheets and he spilled into me and, God, it was the most incredible experience in my life. I cursed like a mad man when I woke up and realized it hadn’t really happened._

Jayne leaned his head back on the couch and reread the passage. Who knew Simon thought about things like this? And why the fuck did Mal always get all the sexin’ without ever even havin’ to pay for it, even in someone else’s fantasies?

There were just a couple more entries, which was just about right, he figured, because he was about to finish himself off anyway.

 _I finished up the inventory this morning and had a few minutes to myself. Of course, I let my mind wander to him. It’s torture knowing he’s so close, but that he barely sees me. Still, I can’t help but think of ways I’d like to seduce him. This time, I thought I’d ready myself for him, open myself up before I even saw him. I pictured it was his fingers inside me, imagined the low moans in the room were from his lips, not my own. When I was ready, in my little fantasy, I just put on a robe, so I wouldn’t have to waste time, then I marched to his room, where, luckily, he was just getting dressed. I pushed him back onto his bed and fell to my knees before him as my robe slid to the floor. I parted his legs and went to work, using my mouth and tongue and hoping he wouldn’t push me away. He was hard in no time and actually groaned when I finally pulled back and pushed his legs together. He started to ask me something, but I didn’t give him time; instead, I just crawled up into his lap, lined him up and sank down on him, skewered myself like a pig on a stick. I rode him hard, kissing him, using my mouth and my ass and my hands to give him what he wanted, what he needed…_

 _And then Vera fell off the wall and nearly knocked us both out._

 _Damn. Even my fantasies have a touch of realism in them that I can’t get around._

Jayne sat up straight, eyes wide as he read the last lines. Vera? This was about…him? All about him? He blinked a few times, reread the last lines and swiped a hand over his forehead, his little masturbation session all but forgotten for the moment. Was Simon jerking him around or did he mean it? Did he really want to do these things or was this all some kind of horrible set up that he couldn’t even get payback for because, hey, he shouldn’t have been reading the damn journal in the first place?

Slowly, he read the next entry.

 _If you’re reading this, Jayne, and I know you will at some point, I meant every word. These are my fantasies, never written down until now. I realized you were reading my journal when it suddenly began smelling like gun oil and, if you look back on page 33, you’ll see a large, dark fingerprint that you left a few weeks ago._

 _I was embarrassed at first, and a little mad, but then I realized what I’d been writing was rather boring anyway._

 _So…I started writing my down my fantasies. My fantasies about you._

 _If you’re interested, turn down the corner of this page. Come back to my room at midnight tonight and I’ll be prepared for you. I’ll be naked and open and ready for absolutely anything you’re in the mood for._

 _Until I see this page turned down, I will continue sleeping in my pajamas and doing nothing more than writing my fantasies down or jerking off to them late at night when I’m alone._

 _This is your call. I won’t mention a word of this, and, just so you know, just like on my exam table in the infirmary, in my bed, you’ll be safe, and I’ll never hurt you in any way. I would live by the same oath as your lover as I live by as your medic – First do no harm._

 _And I’d do this because I’m crazy about you, you big, gorgeous, sexy beast, you. If you give me the chance, I’ll never let you forget it either._

A slow smile spread across Jayne’s face. He leaned back against the headboard and read the last entry again. And again.

After the third time, he slowly zipped his pants back up and slid off the bed.

It was an easy enough decision.

He carefully folded down the corner of not one page, but every single page in the journal, closed it, and put it back where he found it, then he made his way back to the pub, counting the hours until midnight.


End file.
